I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
