Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
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