I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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