Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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