there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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