My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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