I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
