Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I would fuck him just for his dog
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
