But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
