That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize