It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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