you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
