So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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