You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
