Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
