You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
