the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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