Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
