you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
