i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
