I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
