Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
