her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
