It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We're not piercing ourselves today.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
