I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
