God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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