We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
