i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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