Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
