in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
