No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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