I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
