i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize