and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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