My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
