Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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