you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize