we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
