Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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