im about as happy as oj after his trial
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
