I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
