I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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