I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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