I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
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