I cannot find my penis.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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