Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
