I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
