I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
