he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
