If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
