Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize