Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
