I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
