Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
