yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
