i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
