ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
