Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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