cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize