we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
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