so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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