im drinking this country out of the recession.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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