I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
