I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I think I sprained my soul last night
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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