yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
