Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
