Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You dont lie about slip and slides
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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