It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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