Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
