I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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