The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I looked at my own cervix.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
