Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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