K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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