The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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