Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
