I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
