he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
