Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize