what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
