Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Randomize
