Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
