WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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