honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
