It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
