it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
