Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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