when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Randomize
