I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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