You smell like stripper and shame
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
