Sober January is a disaster.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
