those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize