That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
