there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
