What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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