Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize