i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
