If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
