Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
