Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize