I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
