so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Randomize
