I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
