Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
