your thong is hanging out like whoa
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
