WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
