Soap is not a condiment
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
i believe in u and ur pee
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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