When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
