someone owes me an orgasm
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
