he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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