this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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