I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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