come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
