I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
